Do you ever find yourself amused (and amazed) by peoples' white trash antics?
Sure you do.
Southern Fried White Trash takes a humorous look at the unbelievable mindset of the national subculture (and Southern specialty) we affectionately refer to as "white trash."

Thursday, January 6, 2011

White Trash politics

OK this is probably so not politically correct, but to NOT write about it here would be shameful. Now I know, we are never –and I mean NEVER – to discuss politics or religion with people, no matter who they are. But I was bored. I was waiting for the service to be completed on my car. It was one of those situations in which it didn't really make sense to leave and come back, so I just sat there, bored and wishing I was anywhere but where I was. The repair shop has a little waiting room with relatively current magazines (Nancy Reagan graced the cover of the one I was reading, and she was still First Lady). There was a greasy little TV though, so I turned my attention to that. There was another woman waiting for her car to be repaired also. She had two young children in tow. They wore camouflage onesies and were absolutely filthy. Mom wore camo too (though not a onesie), and she was every bit as filthy as her two children.

The TV station was tuned to CNN, and at around 7:30 a.m. on CNN, the news is in full swing. The featured story we were halfway watching was about the handing over of power from former Speaker Nancy Pelosi to the new guy, the crier. What's his name? I forget. Boehner or something like that. Seems like a decent guy, but all I have seen are mini sound bytes and lots and lots of tears. Pelosi, on the other hand, well we have seen much more of her.

The new guy was talking about the gavel he was holding. Now granted ,the sound on the TV was turned way down so that we could hear the air tools much better, but camo mom piped up and said, "Well wonder how much that thang cost? Like this country don't spend enough money on stupid stuff. Do they buy a new hammer every January?"

I'm not kidding. She said that. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, hoping she was talking to someone who was standing behind me. I do not like to engage people that I don't know. It's exasperating and often frustrating. Sometimes, it's downright scary. Today looked to be one of those days.

Camo mom was still looking at me, as though she expected a response. "I beg your pardon?" I asked innocently. "Were you speaking to me?"

"Yeah, can you believe that?" she asked, pointing at the TV. "Do they buy a new one of those every year?" A new what? "Hammer," or Speaker of the House? I just looked at her, not wanting to go down this road. "Yes, I suppose they do," I laughed, pretending to flip through the 80s Newsweek I had in my lap.

"I swear, we pay good tax money and don't hardly get anything except crappy insurance and food stamps, and they waste money on stuff to make them people feel important. What do they need a hammer for anyway?"

Oh man. I could think of hundreds of uses right off the bat, but I kept them to myself. She looked like a scrapper. So I replied as best I could, given the situation. "Yes, the free insurance and food you get each month would probably be much better if they'd stop buying hammers every January, you're right."

She replied in kind, "It's that idiot Obama. Boy, people are sure sorry they voted HIM in." Really? I thought. Did he run on a platform of "a big, shiny new hammer for everyone" back in '08? Yes, Obama has made some monumental mistakes, has made quite a mess of things in many areas, but seriously. I was hoping she'd stop talking.

"And his wife, now there's another one," Camo piped up again. "She's just about the most irritating woman I ever seen." Michelle? What did she do besides grow veggies and take awesome trips?

"His wife?" I asked innocently. "She seems kind of cool to me," I answered, in defense of women everywhere who call "J. Crew" a discount store, and who take exotic trips not because they should, but because they can.

"Cool? You call shoving Obama-care down the country's throat 'cool?'" she laughed condescendingly. What the hell is she talking about, I thought, getting more annoyed every time she opened her mouth.

"His wife really didn't have much to do with passing Health Care Reform," I replied in my own condescending manner, shocked at sounding as though I was defending this administration, which I most certainly was not.

"Well, what do you call telling governors to vote on it without even reading it?" the camouflaged genius asked. "My husband said she must wear the pants in that family. And that's another thing, what did people expect, voting for a black man who married a white woman? They got exactly what they deserve."

Gulp. "What?" I asked incredulously, pointing to Pelosi as she hugged the crier. "You think Obama is married to that woman?"

"He is," said Camo. "That's his wife."

"Ahhh, I didn't realize that. I thought he was married to the black woman who lives with him in the White House," I answered. "I wonder whose kids those two girls are."

Camo mom just looked at me and laughed, as though she couldn't believe the stupidity of some people. "Nope, she's his wife," she corrected, pointing to Pelosi as the dethroned shrew walked away from the podium.

Wow. The service manager had come out to tell me that my car was ready about 10 minutes ago. I was not leaving this conversation until I saw it through to the very end, though. As I stood to get up, Camo mom asked me if I'd watch her two kids while she went outside to catch a smoke. Haha better and better.

"Sure," I said cheerily.

"As soon as she stepped outside to burn one, I looked at Thing 1 and Thing 2, thinking that they didn't have a chance in hell of growing up with any sense. I also found myself hoping that they didn't go to their government-subsidized daycare and repeat any of the ignorant crap that came out of Mama's mouth. Oh well. It is what it is.

I hope that Obama and Pelosi do not get on each other's nerves too much, now that the former Speaker will have all this extra time on her hands. You know how all that extra one-on-one can affect some couples.


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