Do you ever find yourself amused (and amazed) by peoples' white trash antics?
Sure you do.
Southern Fried White Trash takes a humorous look at the unbelievable mindset of the national subculture (and Southern specialty) we affectionately refer to as "white trash."

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Want to learn about your family? Live with them.

No, I mean really LIVE with them. Lock yourself up in a house with your spouse and children, even your dogs. You'll be surprised how much you learn about them. Here in Atlanta, we've been given that opportunity by a snow storm that walloped our region with a vengeance. Only the bravest of the brave, the dumbest of the dumb, have ventured out of the house since last Sunday. Let me put it in perspective: Starbucks hasn't opened since Sunday. McDonalds hasn't either. I think both of these events are referenced in the Book of Revelation. Want to hear what I've learned about my beloved family during this time of isolation from the Outside World? Here goes:
First, my husband has the highest energy level of any human I believe I've ever encountered. I fear that, if the roads are not passable soon (like tomorrow) he will build a new wing onto our house, complete with spa, workout room and formal gardens. Just for laughs, his phone decided to give up the ghost yesterday. My husband's phone is like a third ear, a natural appendage without which he cannot live. He paced, sweated and prayed until he paid full price to replace it today. He drove in unforgiving conditions yesterday from Sprint store to Sprint store, just to see the doors locked and lights out. Could he have called these locations to see whether they were open before risking his life to explore? Of course he could have. Not his style. It's impact, drama, over-the-top, make-it-happen action that makes the man tick. Funnily enough, he had said aloud late last week that he just needed true down time, if only for a day or two, so that he could recharge. And voila, we get an ice and snow storm that brings Atlanta to her knees. Yet, he was still crazy busy, running his business with his phone. Zap – when we wake up Tuesday morning, his phone is inexplicably dead. No reason, no traceable malfunction. It was simply fried. It took about 36 hours to replace it. I guess the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for," still applies today.
My daughter is bored out of her skull. She was supposed to begin classes at GA State this past Monday. Looks like she won't start at her new school until Monday. Ahh, I remember the urgency of youth. Everything was RIGHT NOW, DO OR DIE, CAN'T WAIT ONE MORE SECOND. She will be fine, and this new chapter will begin for her, just a week later than she originally thought. She turns 19 tomorrow. All of her friends are iced in, so to speak, but tomorrow will be special all the same. We'll make sure of it.
My son, at 21, is so laid back about life. All he's concerned with is sledding, whether he can do do-nuts in the school parking lot, and how he can get to a store to buy a couple of beers (since he's not working this week). He has a date Saturday, but he has scheduled it so that it doesn't coincide with the Atlanta Falcons playoff game Saturday night. Ahh youth. Nothing is urgent, nothing an emergency- for him, anyway.
My dogs, well, they are another story. They love the snow, but all the ice and snow and white outside have confused the female. She is so confused, in fact, that she has decided the safest place to poop is in our bedroom, while we sleep. Not a mood enhancer, folks. If she does it one more time, I will make a winter garment out of her beautiful red fur.
And now, for me. I am a woman of routine. My routine has been blown all to hell this week. I do things in order. I wake up, get the guys out the door, drink my coffee, go to the gym, come home and shower, then work. Work, for me, is writing, Writing requires quiet (for me, anyway). It requires no interruptions, no audience. I have learned about myself that I am not a patient or flexible person. I have produced no work this week, at all. I have not been to the gym, at all. In fact, I have been bored and cooped up, so I have eaten anything and everything that occurs to me, anything that pops into my head. Ugh, disgusting. Yet I persist. I was back in the gym 5 days in a row last week. It is my mission this week to undo all the good that I did, plus 5 lbs or so. I think I'm on target.
In a nutshell, I have learned this week that my family really does thrive on activity, on busy-ness. We don't know how to have downtime. We tried playing Uno. My son has an Uno game that ticks and buzzes and has lights on it. It honks at you if you take too much time in taking your turn. I hate it. I can't play it without drinking wine, which of course makes me slower to respond. Catch-22. Not good family bonding time. I even cursed at one point. We had to put it away. My daughter and son alternately got along great and nearly killed one another. At one point during the day yesterday (the days have run together – we all have cabin fever), I could actually hear my husband blink. The sound was deafening. To be fair, I think he actually thought about smothering me with a pillow last night. I was blowing my nose and coughing a lot.
The good news is, we still love each other very dearly. I think we will strike out into the world (once it's thawed) wiser, more appreciative, and kinder to one another.
I could not ever live north of Atlanta. I have learned that, too.

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