Do you ever find yourself amused (and amazed) by peoples' white trash antics?
Sure you do.
Southern Fried White Trash takes a humorous look at the unbelievable mindset of the national subculture (and Southern specialty) we affectionately refer to as "white trash."

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Electronics are slowly killing me

I'm a writer. My life is on my computer – my professional life, that is. Two days ago, my computer passed away. Oh it was still here in the physical sense, but it started coughing, wheezing, turning first pale, then green. Yesterday afternoon, I pronounced it dead. My husband called the coroner as he snatched the laptop out of my hands. I was headed toward the deep end of our pool to give it a proper burial. The coroner, or our off-site IT guy, performed an autopsy and blamed corrupt files for the homicide. The corrupt files were caused by the automatic updates Windows does to its crap software, well the crap Vista version of it, anyway. The solution, of course, is to purchase and install Windows 7.

I think this qualifies as a racket, Mr. Gates.

While I was trying to pass the time without my computer, I tried to turn on our TV. We had DirecTV installed in September, and I'm hoping it will work properly someday. It takes, at last count, four remotes to turn the TV on. If you want to change channels or adjust the volume, make that six remotes. If you ever do get the TV on and select a channel you like, the channels arbitrarily change, or the TV simply shuts off for no apparent reason. I gave up after about ten minutes and wondered whether I was beginning to PMS. You know that unexplainable rage that makes you want to murder and fingerpaint at the same time? I was there.

Without TV, I began to cook. I love to cook and bake at this time of year. Before long, I began to feel very hot – sweaty hot, and that will not do. I looked at the downstairs thermostat, and the temperature read "81." Indoors! The temp was set on "72." Long story short, there's a float switch and control board issue. I suspect they're both controlled by either Windows software or DirecTV.

So now I'm panicked, frustrated and sweaty. I would call first if you're thinking of stopping by.


  1. What I love are the buttons on the TV for volume control. It just has tiny gray + and - signs. I have a lot of trouble seeing them. I have to stoop over and squint at them. Sometimes I feel like living dangerously and start poking blind in the hope that I will hit the button I want by just pure luck. I usually end up in the picture settings instead. The kids say, "the buttons are small because you're SUPPOSED to use the remote, mom!" But where IS the remote, and if I do find a remote, is it the right remote? We have one for Directv and one for the TV itself. Can't use the Directv one to control volume. Oh yeah, there are 'universal' remotes, but they are very involved to set up. In your blog post you missed the most important value we get from electronics. It keeps our cussing speed and accuracy top-notch.

  2. Hahaha no doubt. We have a univeral remote. It cost a little less than my car. My husband has named it, he loves it so much. I use the "light" feature to illuminate the panels of all the other remotes so I can see what I'm gouging in anger.

  3. "Gouging in anger" - another really great book title.


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