Our children are at the ages during which they may very likely soon choose life partners. My husband and I are both divorced and, I’m grateful to say, our blended family is healthy and happy twelve years into the union. But I have to be honest and say that I sincerely hope and pray that none of our four children ever has to endure the awful ordeal that is divorce.
A very wise man once told me that a man marries a woman hoping (and believing) she’ll never change, and a woman marries a man thinking (and believing), “Oh I can fix him. He’ll change.” And they both end up disappointed...
To read more, visit my blog in the Gwinnett Daily Post
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
It's tough being sick
OK my turn to whine. I'm not much of a whiner, really, but when I get my chance, I take it by the horns and hold on tight. I thought I was out of the woods when I overcame my annual bout with pneumonia in February this year. Guess I was wrong. April and May bring strange and terrible pollens to the state of Georgia. These pollens have frightening effects on southerners.
Now I'll be the first to admit: my husband babies me shamelessly when I'm sick. He really does, and that is unusual for a man. I'll also admit: I suck it up. I love it. Sorry, but that's the truth. I don't think I ride it for longer than it's intended, but I sure do enjoy being babied every now and then.
My husband Marc is really the exception to the rule of most men. I'm going to try to tread lightly here, but men are terrible patients. They are. I have been with men who could have had a cold - a common, everyday, ordinary cold. To hear it from them though, they have an unnamed version of tuberculosis and pneumonia. No identified cure, no known treatments except constant pampering and babying. And they do not want to suffer alone, or in silence. No, no.....they want to lay themselves out in a common area, preferably a busy one, so that they can stop all household activity dead. Translation: the spotlight is on them.
I am 50 now. I am onto the whole, "baby me and make me feel special" thing. In truth, my husband is just naturally giving and kind, so I don't have to wave my arms and say "look at me! look at me!" He just does it anyway. And I try to do it for him when he's sick. Thank goodness, he's not the sickly type.
Oh, wait, I think I need to turn over. I hope he's around to re-adjust the blanket for me when I do.
Now I'll be the first to admit: my husband babies me shamelessly when I'm sick. He really does, and that is unusual for a man. I'll also admit: I suck it up. I love it. Sorry, but that's the truth. I don't think I ride it for longer than it's intended, but I sure do enjoy being babied every now and then.
My husband Marc is really the exception to the rule of most men. I'm going to try to tread lightly here, but men are terrible patients. They are. I have been with men who could have had a cold - a common, everyday, ordinary cold. To hear it from them though, they have an unnamed version of tuberculosis and pneumonia. No identified cure, no known treatments except constant pampering and babying. And they do not want to suffer alone, or in silence. No, no.....they want to lay themselves out in a common area, preferably a busy one, so that they can stop all household activity dead. Translation: the spotlight is on them.
I am 50 now. I am onto the whole, "baby me and make me feel special" thing. In truth, my husband is just naturally giving and kind, so I don't have to wave my arms and say "look at me! look at me!" He just does it anyway. And I try to do it for him when he's sick. Thank goodness, he's not the sickly type.
Oh, wait, I think I need to turn over. I hope he's around to re-adjust the blanket for me when I do.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Today, we're talking about nagging. Do I need to repeat that?
Nagging. What a word. I can't think of one single instance in which it might be used in a good way. "So nice nagging with you today, Molly, or "let's get together for lunch and nag one another soon!" Just doesn't sound right. No, nagging is a term reserved typically for frustrated husbands as they refer to their wives' repetitive remarks on the same topic.
As one of those wives, I would like to try to re-train your thinking process with respect to nagging and other associated behaviors. I'm going to use a hypothetical example here, lest someone think I'm nagging for real.
When a wife asks her husband to do something, or when she reminds him to do something, the first time around she's not nagging. She's simply asking or reminding cordially."Honey, will you please hang that picture over the sofa? I can't hold it and hammer at the same time." Now, when said husband does not do what his wife requested/asked, the wife feels compelled to request/ask again.
This second request could come an hour later, a week later or a month or so later. Depends on how badly she wants the picture hung."Honey, will you please hang that picture over the sofa for me?" The husband may grunt, may look straight at her and nod in the affirmative, or he may ignore her altogether. Depends on how long they've been married.
The third request comes after the husband has agreed the first two times but has yet to actually take any action. The wife's tone may sound more abrupt, and she may or may not drop the "please." Depends on how long they've been married and how patient she is.
The fourth time...well you get the picture. Now at this point, the husband may very well blow a gasket and say something sensible like, "You know, I'd be happy to do things for you if you'd just stop nagging!" And thus is propagated the legend of the nagging wife.
The way I see it, if the husband would either a) do what his wife asked when she asked it the first time, or b) tell her to forget it, not happening, no way, ever, the first time she asked, fair enough. At that point, there is no longer a need to repeat the request. At that point, said wife can move ahead, either lining up someone else to help her or returning the picture because she can't hang it by herself.
In short, it's not nagging when we keep asking the same thing BECAUSE IT NEVER GETS DONE. Now guys, I'll give you this - if your wife asks something of you that you do for her, and she for some reason runs around the house like a wind-up doll gone crazy continually asking for the same thing to be done over and over, by all means - CALL IT NAGGING. Otherwise, call it what it is. Your wife is asking for something that you simply dont feel like giving her, so you ignore her until she thinks she's the one going crazy.
There. Think about that the next time you accuse your wife of nagging.
*Disclaimer - no, this post is not about my personal life. Not today, anyway.
As one of those wives, I would like to try to re-train your thinking process with respect to nagging and other associated behaviors. I'm going to use a hypothetical example here, lest someone think I'm nagging for real.
When a wife asks her husband to do something, or when she reminds him to do something, the first time around she's not nagging. She's simply asking or reminding cordially."Honey, will you please hang that picture over the sofa? I can't hold it and hammer at the same time." Now, when said husband does not do what his wife requested/asked, the wife feels compelled to request/ask again.
This second request could come an hour later, a week later or a month or so later. Depends on how badly she wants the picture hung."Honey, will you please hang that picture over the sofa for me?" The husband may grunt, may look straight at her and nod in the affirmative, or he may ignore her altogether. Depends on how long they've been married.
The third request comes after the husband has agreed the first two times but has yet to actually take any action. The wife's tone may sound more abrupt, and she may or may not drop the "please." Depends on how long they've been married and how patient she is.
The fourth time...well you get the picture. Now at this point, the husband may very well blow a gasket and say something sensible like, "You know, I'd be happy to do things for you if you'd just stop nagging!" And thus is propagated the legend of the nagging wife.
The way I see it, if the husband would either a) do what his wife asked when she asked it the first time, or b) tell her to forget it, not happening, no way, ever, the first time she asked, fair enough. At that point, there is no longer a need to repeat the request. At that point, said wife can move ahead, either lining up someone else to help her or returning the picture because she can't hang it by herself.
In short, it's not nagging when we keep asking the same thing BECAUSE IT NEVER GETS DONE. Now guys, I'll give you this - if your wife asks something of you that you do for her, and she for some reason runs around the house like a wind-up doll gone crazy continually asking for the same thing to be done over and over, by all means - CALL IT NAGGING. Otherwise, call it what it is. Your wife is asking for something that you simply dont feel like giving her, so you ignore her until she thinks she's the one going crazy.
There. Think about that the next time you accuse your wife of nagging.
*Disclaimer - no, this post is not about my personal life. Not today, anyway.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I should have been a marriage counselor.
I am not. I am a wife, a mom, daughter, a sister, a friend and a writer. However, all those jobs qualify me to be a pretty effective marriage counselor. At the ripe old age of 50 - I can say that now without choking on it - I have come to understand a lot of what matters and what doesn't. In my opinion, that's 95% of what it takes to be a good counselor, which is another term for "mediator."
Ten years ago, I would not have been able to say that I would make a good counselor. I would have been terrible at it. I was too impatient, too intolerant of ideas that weren't mine, and too quick to assume that the man must be wrong because a) he failed to listen or b) he failed to listen the other 100 times his wife had to say the same thing.
My husband and I see a counselor, and we have for about a year and a half. Don't raise your eyebrows and assume anything. We don't just love each other; we adore each other. But even the best marriages, the most devoted couples, hit a speed bump every now and then. You have to learn how to navigate the speed bumps, or pretty soon you lose a hubcap, bust a tire, or just run the whole car off into a ditch.
I love our counselor. He, too, has lived long enough to know that you have to focus on the good things, the strengths, or you run the risk of getting distracted by the smallest, most insignificant things. He listens to us ramble, nit pick and whine, and all the while he maintains a calm demeanor, a look on his face that says, "as soon as they shut up, I'm going to remind them of all the good things, all the thousands of blessings they enjoy, all the hard work they've put in over the years to get where they are now." And he does, and then we're fine, ready to go, recharged for a while.
Come to think of it, being a marriage counselor is a lot like being a kindergarten teacher. There's a lot of time spent just keeping everyone on task, on the right track, in their own space and not infringing on the other's rights.
Ten years ago, I would not have been able to say that I would make a good counselor. I would have been terrible at it. I was too impatient, too intolerant of ideas that weren't mine, and too quick to assume that the man must be wrong because a) he failed to listen or b) he failed to listen the other 100 times his wife had to say the same thing.
My husband and I see a counselor, and we have for about a year and a half. Don't raise your eyebrows and assume anything. We don't just love each other; we adore each other. But even the best marriages, the most devoted couples, hit a speed bump every now and then. You have to learn how to navigate the speed bumps, or pretty soon you lose a hubcap, bust a tire, or just run the whole car off into a ditch.
I love our counselor. He, too, has lived long enough to know that you have to focus on the good things, the strengths, or you run the risk of getting distracted by the smallest, most insignificant things. He listens to us ramble, nit pick and whine, and all the while he maintains a calm demeanor, a look on his face that says, "as soon as they shut up, I'm going to remind them of all the good things, all the thousands of blessings they enjoy, all the hard work they've put in over the years to get where they are now." And he does, and then we're fine, ready to go, recharged for a while.
Come to think of it, being a marriage counselor is a lot like being a kindergarten teacher. There's a lot of time spent just keeping everyone on task, on the right track, in their own space and not infringing on the other's rights.
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