I want to be a plumber when I grow up.

I know, I know, Some girls say they want to be teachers or ballerinas, but I want to be a plumber. Why? Glad you asked.

We own a plumbing company. Technically, I think my husband owns it. I know nothing about plumbing and am therefore of little use in that arena. I have helped market the company and worked on some communications on behalf of the company, but that's about it. I stay away from pretty much every other aspect of the business, because I have little patience with the types of people whom we are required to employ. Let me explain.

A plumber makes a lot of money. I mean, a LOT of money. When you consider that many of them aborted their educations at or before the 12^th grade, they make a ridiculous amount of money. A good plumber has continued his education in courses specific to his career. Most of them, however, have not. Most plumbers are not GOOD plumbers. These guys have an infuriating attitude about their value in the workplace. I can't tell you how many times we've heard statements like, "Well so-and-so is playing their guys about $100,000 a year." Really? Glad to know that because a) I would like to go to work for them and b) now I know never to call them for service, as I promise you their plumber will rip me off shamelessly."

As a rule, plumbers bring a lot of baggage to work with them. There's always a child support collection issue, a wage garnishment issue, pending arrests, baby mamas at home who entertain themselves by calling the plumber at work 70-80 times a day, addictions and chronic absenteeism and tardiness. They'll also steal you blind given half a chance. Oh, and no matter how much they make, they are always "broke" on Monday after having been paid on Friday. Always. I know this because they often come to us for "loans."

And I hesitate to add this, but it's true. They typically don't have any common sense whatsoever. Just this morning – a rainy Monday morning in metro Atlanta – my husband got a call from one of his better guys. "Hey Boss. You're gonna kill me, but I ran outta gas." What? I haven't run out of gas since I was 16 years old. Who does that? He's driving our vehicle, has our gas card, and is calling my husband on a cell phone that we pay for to tell him he ran out of gas. He couldn't figure out how to solve the problem even with us providing all the tools. So he called my husband to solve it. I do not feel obligated to pay this guy $100,000 a year.

Work Ethic must be a 12^th grade class. Most plumbers have missed it altogether. I am constantly amazed and therefore, I stay as far away from the business as possible. But I might be going about this all wrong. I need to learn the basics of plumbing, then go out and demand $100,000 a year in compensation. I can then absolve myself of all personal responsibility and accountability, foolishly spend my money, and work if and when I feel like it. If I have a problem that is the direct result of my carelessness and stupidity, I will call my boss to fix it.

No, forget the tutus and chalkboards. I want to be a plumber.